Episode 110 - Mr. Hankey

[South Park Elementary]

A group of kids are on stage.
South Park Kids:  [Singing]We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Stan steps out from offstage.
Stan:  Lights please.

The lights dim, leaving Stan in the spot light.
And there were, in the same country, shepards abiding in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And loh the angel of the lord came upon them, and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them, "fear not, for behold I bring you tidings of great joy. For born unto you this day in the Sea of ... David is a saviour. Tis Christ the Lord. Glory to God in the highest, and honor with peace, good will towards men." And now South Park Elementary presents: "The Birth of Jesus."
The curtain opens, revealing a Nativity Scene

Wendy[as the Virgin Mary] is breathing and panting as though in labor.
Kyle:  [As Joseph]Come on Mary, push!
Wendy:  Ah!
Kyle:  I can see its head!
Wendy:  Ahhhhh!


Kyle catches baby Jesus and grasps it by the head.
Kyle:  It's a boy.
Cartman:  [One of the 3 wise men]Ohhhh.
Kenny:  [An angel above the scene]Mrmmrmrphrmr.

Mr. Garrison is off stage directing the play.
Mr. Garrison:  Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. Kyle, what the hell was that? You need to hold the baby by the legs, not by the head. What kind of sick weirdo are you?
Kyle:  Sorry.
Mr. Garrison:  And Wendy, I'm still not believing the labor pains.
Wendy:  Ok.
Sheila:  Mr. Garrison, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Mr. Garrison:  Well, I'm trying to direct the school Christmas Play, but your son was holding baby Jesus fetus by the head.
Sheila:  How dare you include the Nativity in a school play! Don't you realize my son is Jewish?!?

Mr. Garrison:  So.
Sheila:  So what makes you think he should play Joseph of Aramethea?
Mr. Garrison:  Because it's Christmas.
Sheila:  Our family doesn't celebrate Christmas.

Mr. Garrison:  Oh God, you're not going to lay that Hanukkah crap on me, are you?
Sheila:  What, what, what! You're not going to get away with this Mr. Garrison.
Cartman:  Oh good, Kyle's mom is here to ruin Christmas.
Kyle:  Shut up fat boy!
Cartman:  I'm not fat! I'm festively plump.
Stan:  Why are you Jewish on Christmas Kyle?
Mr. Garrison:  Oh, okay. Kyle, is there anything you can do for the Christmas play that isn't related to Jesus?
Sheila:  How about the Dreidel song, boobie?
Kyle:  I can sing the Mr. Hankey song.
Mr. Garrison:  The Mr. Hankey song, how does that go?
Kyle:  [Singing]Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me and I love you...
Stan:  Christmas poo?
Cartman:  What the hell is Christmas poo?!?
Kyle:  Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, haven't you guys ever heard of it?
Sheila:  Kyle, that is enough!
Mr. Garrison:  See, that's what you get when you raise your child to be a pagan.
Sheila:  Now that does it. I am going straight to the mayor about you Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison:  Oh, wait, wait. I'm sorry, was it the pagan remark?
Wendy:  You guys, look! It's snowing!


The kids are run outside into the playground.
Stan:  Wow, Christmas snow!
Wendy:  Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue.

Wendy catches a snowflake.
Wendy:  It's fun.

The other kids proceed to catch snow flakes.

A bird flies overhead, pooping in Kenny's mouth.
Kenny:  Oooh.
Stan:  That was sick dude!

Kyle is about to catch a snowflake.
Cartman:  Hey, what the hell are you doing? Jewish people can't eat Christmas snow!
Kyle:  We can too.
Stan:  Nahh, I think it's against the law dude.
Kyle:  Officer Barbrady!

Officer Barbrady is directing traffic nearby.

Barbrady stops a car.
Officer Barbrady:  What?
Kyle:  Is it illegal for Jews to eat Christmas snow?

Barbrady ponders for a moment.
Officer Barbrady:  [Making it up]Yesss.
Kyle:  Damn it!
Stan:  Hey, come on guys. We have to go to the mall and tell Santa Claus what we want for Christmas.
Cartman:  Yeh, we'll see you later Kyle. Guess there's no reason for you to come, since you don't get Christmas presents.
Kyle:  No, but I get Hannakuh presents for eight days.
Cartman:  Too bad it's usually a dreidel, or something lame like that.
Stan:  We'll catch up with you later Kyle.
Kyle:  Wait, I may not have Santa, but I do have Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo.
Stan:  What, what is this about Christmas poo dude?
Kyle:  Mr. Hankey, he comes out of the toilet every year and gives presents to everybody who has a lot of fiber in their diet.
Cartman:  Uh, Kyle, come on, seriously, you're really reaching right now.
Kyle:  Well, you're gonna be sorry when you see me riding around on Santa's sleigh with Mr. Hankey fat ass!
Cartman:  You're not gonna ride around on Santa's sleigh, cause you're a Jew, Kyle!
Stan:  See you dude.

Everybody walks off, leaving Kyle alone.

Kyle wanders as he's singing.
Kyle:  [Singing]It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas. My friends won't let me join in any games. And I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree, or leave water out for Rudolph 'cause there's something wrong with me. My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity. I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew, on Christmas.

Kyle is peeking from behind a tree as the other kids visit Santa.
Kyle:  [Singing]Hannukuh is nice, but why is it, that Santa passes over my house every year? And in stead of eating ham I have to eat kosher lock cheese. Instead of Silent Night I'm singing who hack do ga veesh. And what the fuck is up with lighting all these fucking candles, tell me please. I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew, I'd be merry, but I'm Hebrew, on Christmas.

[City Hall]

A large crowd is up in arms.

The mayor clears her throat.
Mayor McDaniels:  Okay everybody, settle down.
Townswoman:  Mayor, we are deeply offended by the Nativity scene in front of the capitol office. Church and State are separate.
Crowd:  No! No!
Kyle:  What's going on you guys?
Stan:  The whole town's pissed of at each other, it's really sweet.
Sheila:  That isn't all mayor, the school play is doing a Nativity scene. It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community.
Mr. Garrison:  You are the Jewish community!
Crowd:  Yeh, yeh!
Cartman:  Oh boy, super bitch is at it again.
Kyle:  Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
Priest:  Mayor, the Nativity is what Christmas is all about. If you remove Christ, you must remove Santa and Frosty and all that garbage too.
Followers:  Hallelujah!
Townsperson:  Amen.
Tree Huggers:  And we must put a stop to the cutting down of Christmas trees.
Townsperson:  Ah, give me a break.
Jimbo:  And I'm sick and tired of those little flaps on coffee lids, if you don't want to spill your coffee then you shouldn't be driving with it.

The crowd is a bit unsure.
Crowd:  Yehhhh!
Mayor McDaniels:  Okay people, clearly we need to reach a compromise. Perhaps we need a new icon for Christmas.
Assistant:  Ooh, brilliant idea mayor.
Kyle:  Hey, how about Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo?
Mayor McDaniels:  Excuse me?
Stan:  Oh boy, here we go again.
Kyle:  Mr. Hankey, he comes out of the toilet every year and gives presents to everybody who has a lot of fiber in their diet.
Sheila:  Kyle, shh.
Kyle:  It's true, he doesn't care what faith you are. [Singing]Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me and I love you, therefore vicariously he loves you, even ...
Cartman:  Don't mind him, he's a very disturbed little boy.
Kenny:  That's nasty.
Stan:  Yeh.
Sheila:  Okay Kyle, we're leaving right now.
Kyle:  Wait.
Mayor McDaniels:  Anyway, I'll put together a crack team of my best workers to make sure this will be the most non-offensive ever, to any religious or minority group of any kind. Are there any other suggestions?

Mr. Garrison raises his hand.
Mayor McDaniels:  Yes Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison:  Could we get rid of all the Mexicans?
Mayor McDaniels:  No Mr. Garrison, we cannot get rid of all the Mexicans.
Mr. Garrison:  Rats.

[Cut to Commercial]

[Kyle's House]

Ike unwraps and spins a dreidel.
Mr. Broslofski:  It is sick and disgusting, and we simply will not have it!
Sheila:  Your father's right Kyle.
Mr. Broslofski:  Sheila, let me handle this. Having imaginary friends is fine Kyle, but this simply will not do!
Sheila:  Listen to your father Kyle.

Ike is chasing his dreidel.

Ike runs into a table, knocking the Menorah onto his head.
Mr. Broslofski:  Now, I want you to repeat after me, "there is no such thing as Mr. Hankey."
Kyle:  But dad, he always...
Mr. Broslofski:  Say it!
Kyle:  There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey.
Mr. Broslofski:  Again!
Kyle:  There is no such thing as Mr. Hankey.
Sheila:  This is for your own good boobie.
Mr. Broslofski:  Now you go brush your teeth, and march into bed. You won't be opening your Hannukuh present tonight.
Kyle:  Probably just another stupid dreidel anyway.
Mr. Broslofski:  What did you say?!?
Kyle:  I said Ike's on fire.
Ike:  Uh oh, the flames, uh oh.
Sheila:  Oh my God!

[The Bathroom]
Kyle:  It isn't fair, I don't want to be an outcast.
Toilet:  Kyyyyle.
Kyle:  I'm not hearing that.
Toilet:  Helloooo.

The toilet flushes.
Kyle:  Mr. Hankey?
Mr. Hankey:  Howdy ho!
Mr. Hankey:  Howdy ho Kyle, gosh you're looking swell.
Kyle:  Go away Mr. Hankey.
Mr. Hankey:  You know something pal, you smell an awful lot like flowers.
Kyle:  I said go away, my dad says you're not real.
Mr. Hankey:  Not real? Well shucks, if I weren't real could I sing this jolly Christmas song. [Singing]Santa Claus is on his way, he's loaded goodies on his sleigh, drop 'em off on Christmas day, and I'll say howdy ho!
Kyle:  Mr. Hankey, shhh, I'll get in trouble.
Mr. Hankey:  Folks'll gather 'round the fire, sing a song that's from a choir, pretty soon they'll all retire and I'll say howdy ho!
Mr. Broslofski:  Kyle, what are you doing in there?!?
Kyle:  Nothing!
Mr. Broslofski:  Open this door!
Mr. Hankey:  I hope that Santa comes real soon, I been waiting since the first...
Mr. Broslofski:  Huhhhh. Kyle!!!

The piece of crap in Kyle's hands sits motionless.
Kyle:  Say something Mr. Hankey.

Kyle shakes the turd.

The top of the turd falls over.

[Kyle's Bedroom]
Mr. Broslofski:  Now you get to sleep and think about how your poor mother has to clean that bathroom up!
Sheila:  What, what what!?! Me?!?

Mr. Broslofski closes the door.
Mr. Hankey:  Howdy ho.
Kyle:  Mr. Hankey! Where the hell did you go?
Mr. Hankey:  You should be wearing socks to sleep Kyle, you're gonna catch a cold.
Kyle:  Nobody believes in you, not even my friends!
Mr. Hankey:  Ahh, gee that's too bad.
Kyle:  Hey, how about you come to school with me tomorrow so I can at least prove I'm not crazy to my friends.
Mr. Hankey:  Say, that sounds like a swell idea. We can show everyone the true spirit of Christmas.
Kyle:  Yeh, we'll show them!

[Downtown South Park]
Mayor McDaniels:  Okay people, we've got to turn this place around. Take down anything that is offensive to any specific group.
Jimbo:  Is mistletoe offensive?
Mayor McDaniels:  Is anyone offended by mistletoe?

One loser raises his hand.
Mayor McDaniels:  Lose the mistletoe.

[Bus Stop]
Stan:  You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas.
Cartman:  How do you know?
Stan:  Cause I looked in my parents closet last night.
Cartman:  Yeh, well I sneaked around my mom's closet too, and saw what I'm getting. The Ultra-Vibe Pleasure 2000.
Stan:  What's that?
Cartman:  I don't know, but it sounds pretty sweet.

Kyle walks up.
Kyle:  Hello everybody.
Stan:  What's in the box dude?
Kyle:  It's a surprise.
Cartman:  Let me see!
Kyle:  Oh, okay, but, but don't scare him.
Stan:  Dude! Sick!
Cartman:  Is this some kind of Jewish tradition?!?
Kenny:  That is the sickest thing I've ever fuckin' seen.
Kyle:  Wait, you guys, he's alive.
Stan:  Kyle, I think you better get home and get some sleep.
Kyle:  Come on! Dance! Dance!!! God Damn You!

[South Park Research Center]
Nerd:  Now this is very simple. I'm going to say words and the computer will measure how offended you are by them. In this way we can find out which words are least offensive for use in the holiday season. Are we ready? Here we go. Christ.

Two persons lights go off.
Nerd:  Hmm. Okay, chair.

Nothing happens.
Nerd:  Hmm. Camel.

One persons lights go off.
Nerd:  Hmm. Sand.

Nothing happens.
Nerd:  Stupid wop dago.

Everybody's lights go off.
Nerd:  Huh, bench.

[South Park Elementary School]
Mr. Garrison:  Ohh, do you have to take the Christmas tree too?
Worker:  Mayor's orders.
Mr. Garrison:  Okay children, I'm really having a hard time with our Christmas play. The new law states we can't sing any songs having to do with Jesus or Santa Claus.
Cartman:  Thanks to Kyle's mother.
Kyle:  Shut up Cartman!
Mr. Garrison:  So does anybody know any non-Santa or non-Jesus Christmas songs?

Cartman raises his hand.
Cartman:  How about we sing "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch, in D-minor?"
Kyle:  I told you not to call my mom a bitch Cartman!
Cartman:  Oh ho! [Signing]Wellll, Kyle's mom's a bitch! She a big fat bitch! She's the biggest bitch In the whole wide world! She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to all the boys and girls!
Kyle:  Shut up Cartman!
Mr. Hankey:  Howdy ho!
Kyle:  Mr. Hankey.
Cartman:  On Monday she's a bitch! On Tuesday she's a bitch! And Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch! Then on Sunday just to be different she's a super kinkamayamaya be-atch!
Mr. Hankey:  Golly, that isn't very nice! I'd sure like to teach him a lesson!
Cartman:  Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a mean ole bitch and she has stupid hair, she's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch! She's a stupid bitch. Kyle's mom's a bitch and smells a dirty too. Kyle's mom, is a bitchhhhahhh.
Mr. Hankey:  Mmmmm.
Kyle:  Mr. Hankey, no.
Mr. Hankey:  Ahhhh!

Mr. Hankey dives at Cartman, hitting him in the face.

Mr. Garrison:  What the?!?

Cartman:  Gross Kyle!
Mr. Garrison:  Oh my lord Kyle! Did you just throw doodoo at Eric?!?
Kyle:  Uhhhh.
Cartman:  You sick bastard!!


[Counselor's Office]
Counselor:  Now, uh, Kyle, as your school counselor, uh, I want to try and help you confront your problem, 'kay.
Kyle:  I don't have a problem!
Counselor:  Well, it, it's my understanding that you, uh, mm, you have an acute case of fecalphilia.
Kyle:  What's that?
Counselor:  Well, uh, a fecalphiliac is somebody who's obsessed with mookie stinks, Kyle.
Kyle:  Mookie stinks?
Counselor:  Now I also understand that you're Jewish, is that right Kyle?
Kyle:  Well, not on purpose!
Counselor:  So this must be a pretty hard time of year for you, being Christmas and all. Do the other kids make fun of you?
Kyle:  Well, sometimes.
Counselor:  And that must make you mad.
Kyle:  Well, sure.
Counselor:  Mad enough to kill, Kyle?

[Dramatic Music]
Kyle:  No dude!
Counselor:  Oh, that's good. You see Kyle, sometimes we feel like an outsider, we, we create friends, okay, in our minds, okay.
Kyle:  But Mr. Hankey seems so real.
Counselor:  Well of course he does. In, in your screwed up little head, he's the only friend you have.

He takes a sip of his coffee.

Mr. Hankey appears in his coffee, only Kyle sees him.
Mr. Hankey:  Kyle. Howdy ho!
Counselor:  Right now you're nuttier than chinese chicken salad, okay. I mean, you're one screwed up little kid, do you understand?

He takes another sip.
Mr. Hankey:  [Singing]Santa's loaded up his sleigh soon he'll be on his merry way...
Counselor:  So try and stay positive, stay away from drugs and alcohol, and in the meantime, I'm going to put you on a heavy regimen of Prozac?

He takes another sip, this time noticing a turd in his coffee.
Counselor:  Uhh, oh my God, you sick little monkey!

Mr. Garrison:  Okay children, we've just received word from the mayor that the Christmas play can't include any Christmas lights, since they offend people with epilepsy.
Kids:  Uhhh.
Mr. Garrison:  So, Kenny, would you please go over and pull the light cords out of the wall?

[Dramatic Music]
Mr. Garrison:  Careful now Kenny. Those are very, very dangerous.

Kenny succesfully unplugs the lights.
Mr. Garrison:  Ok, now let's practice our....
Counselor:  No, get away from me!
Kyle:  Here, just look more closely at it.
Counselor:  No, go away! Stan, you need to do something about friend, okay. Get him out of here before he hurts anybody, okay.

[South Park Mental Hospital]
Stan:  Hello, we need to commit our friend Kyle, please.
Receptionist:  Reason.
Kyle:  I'm a clincally depressed fecalphiliac on Prozac.
Receptionist:  Any allergies?
Kyle:  No.
Receptionist:  Jacket!

Two goons come out and strap Kyle in.
Goons:  Jacket, jacket, come with me .....
Cartman:  By Kyle, Happy Hannukuh.

[Cut to Commercial]

Mr. Garrison:  Ok children, does everybody have their leotards on?
Townsman:  Good, it looks like they've taken the Christmas trees down.
Townswoman:  Yes, and there's nothing Christian either. This should be great.
Sheila:  Oh, this could be such a wonderful Christmas play. I wish our little Kyle were here to see it.

[South Park Mental Hospital]

Kyle is in a padded cell.
Kyle:  Dreidel dreidel dreidel I made you out of clay, dreidel dreidel dreidel, with dreidel I will play, second verse same as the first, dreidel dreidel dreidel I made you....

Announcer:  Welcome to the South Park Elementary Holiday....
Townsman:  Wait, wait, there's a star above the stage; that's very offensive to non-Christians.
Jimbo:  Oh, come on....
Townsman:  Hey! Don't push your beliefs on me buddy.
Mr. Marsh:  I agree.
Mr. Garrison:  Oh brother. Kenny, would you please climb that ladder and take down the star above the stage? And be careful not to fall in that little pool below you Kenny, the shark for the third act is in there.

Shot of shark swimming in the tank.
Kenny:  Huh?!?

[Dramatic Music]
Announcer:  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the South Park Elementary Holiday Experience. Before we bring out the kiddies for the play, here's a non-offensive, non-denominational holiday song by the school chef.

Throughout Chef's song Kenny is on the ladder trying to get the star down.
Chef:  I'm gonna lay you down by the yule log, I'm gonna love you right. Baby I'm gonna deck your halls and silent your night. You'll hear the hair of angels sing when I'm sliding off your bra. I just can't wait to jingle your bells and fa la la your love. You can break my heart if that means we can make love, cause if we don't.
Stan:  Wish Kyle was here, it just doesn't seem right without him.
Cartman:  Well, ole Kyle's gonna be locked up for a while, so get used to it.
Mr. Garrison:  Okay kids, get ready to take your places.

Announcer:  Thank you chef.

Kenny has successfully retrieved the star.
Kenny:  Whew.
Announcer:  And now, South Park Elementary presents The Happy Non-Offensive, Non-Denominational Christmas Play, with music and lyrics by New York minimalist composer Philip Glass.

The kids are in green leotards dancing about strangely.
Philip:  As I turn and look into the sun, the rays burn my eyes. (happy, happy, happy, everybody's happy). How like a turtle the sun looks....
Sheila:  What the hell is this?!?
Music:  (happy)
Sheila:  This is horrible!
Priest:  This is the most godawful piece of crap I've ever seen.
Mr. Garrison:  Hey, you're the ones whoe made it this way.
Priest:  Yeh, it's because the Jew said it couldn't be Christian.
Mr. Broslofski:  It wasn't our idea to take out Santa Claus.
Tree Hugger:  All you bastards ruined Christmas!
Jimbo:  Get him in the ribs!
Priest:  Ooooh.
Townsman:  Damn treehugger!
Stan:  This sucks dude. This is like the worst Christmas I've ever seen.
Wendy:  Yehhh.

Chef:  Say, where's Kyle?
Stan:  We committed him.
Chef:  What? Why?
Cartman:  Cause, he kept on seeing this little brown piece of Christmas poo everywhere that he went.
Chef:  Christmas poo? You, you mean Mr. Hankey.
Stan:  Huh? Uh oh.

Sheila takes out Mr. Broslofski with a chair.

The fighting continues.

[Cut to Commercial]

This is a live action commercial for Mr. Hankey.
Mom:  Say kids, why the long faces?
Brother:  We're bored.
Sister:  There's nothing to do.
Mom:  Well, maybe this will help.
Sister:  Yehhh!
Brother:  Mr. Hankey Construction set.

[Music starts]
Announcer:  That's right kids, now you can make your very own Mr. Hankey. Just use this special Fecal Fishing Net and select your best Mr. Hankey.
Sister:  That one!
Announcer:  Then use the hand-crafted Hankey stand to add whatever eyes, mouth and hats you want.
Mr. Hankey:  Howdy ho!
Brother:  I made a Mariachi Mr. Hankey.
Sister:  Now it's a Mrs. Hankey.
Brother:  Let's put the fez hat on him.
Sister:  I wish daddy was still alive.

[Music stops]
Announcer:  Mr. Hankey play set comes with everything seen here.
Mom:  Hey, where's Mr. Hankey.

Shot of baby eating what was Mr. Hankey.
Music:  [Singing]Mr. Hankey Play Set.

Mom:  I love you sweetheart.
Sister:  I love you too.

[Cut to Commercial]


The fighting continues.
Stan:  This is horrible, everybody's fighting and my best friend's in an institution, all because we didn't believe in Mr. Hankey.
Chef:  Well, you can believe in him now.

Stan:  I believe.

[Music starts]
Wendy:  I believe in Mr. Hankey.

Mr. Hankey jumps out of a box on stage
Mr. Hankey:  Howdy Ho!
Stan:  Huh?!?
Mr. Hankey:  Say folks, gosh you sure do smell all nice and flowery.
Stan:  Whoa.
Mr. Hankey:  Howdy ho Chef.
Chef:  Howdy ho Mr. Hankey.
Cartman:  Ok, that does it, screw you guys I'm going home. Talking poo is where I draw the line.
Mr. Hankey:  What's all the ruckus?
Chef:  I'm glad you're here Mr. Hankey, the whole town is about to kill each other.
Mr. Hankey:  I reckon this could be a job for, Mr. Hankey.

The fighting continues.

Mr. Hankey:  Stop fightin'!
Mayor McDaniels:  Oh my God!! What the hell is that thing?!?
Mr. Hankey:  Come on gang, don't fight. You people focus so hard on the things wrong with Christmas that you've forgotten what's so right about it. Don't you see, this is the one time of year we're supposed to forget all the bad stuff. Stop worryin' and being sad the state of the world, and for just one day say "ahh, the heck with it, let's sing and dance, and bake cookies."

Kyle's father begins clapping
Mr. Broslofski:  Yeh.

Soon the whole crowd is clapping and cheering.
Stan:  Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.

[Kyle's Padded Cell]
Kyle:  I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew.
Mr. Hankey:  Howdy ho Kyle!
Kyle:  Oh no! I'm not sane yet.
Mr. Hankey:  I brought some friends with me.
Kyle:  Friends?

[Outside the Mental Hospital]
Crowd:  Merry Christmas Kyle Broslofski!
Kyle:  You mean you can see him?!? I'm not crazy?!?

Kyle is let out of his cell and runs outside to join the crowd.
Crowd:  [Singing]Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me, I love you, therefore vicariously he loves you, even if you're a Jew.
Townsman:  [Singing]Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny, he can be brown or greenish-brown. But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve, he might come to your town.
Crowd:  Mr. Hankey the Christmas poo, he loves me, I love you, he loves you!
Mr. Hankey:  Well, I've got a long night ahead of me. Bye and Merry Christmas!
Cartman:  Goodbye Mr. Hankey. Bring me lots of presents, I always believed in you.
Santa:  Howdy ho ho ho!
Stan:  You know, I learned something today. I learned that Jewish people are okay, and that Hannakuh can be okay.
Kyle:  Yeh.
Stan:  You know, it seems like something is still not right.
Cartman:  Yeh, something feels...unfinished.
Kyle:  Well, what could it be?

The End appears on the screen.
Kenny:  Woohoohoo.


[On the set of Jesus and Pals]
Jesus:  Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me.

Jesus blows out the candles.