Episode 107 - Pink Eye

[Outer Space]

The Mir Space Station is shown orbitting earth.


[Inside Mir Space Station]
Comrade 1:  Vladned chaviski. Bodad comrade Dobalsted. [Propulsion systems stable... No problems with Mir...]

A second astronaut sneaks up on the first, wearing an alien mask.
Comrade 2:  Grahhh.
Comrade 1:  Ayyy!
Comrade 2:  Porchad. Hehe, vlided il chalfeka[Gotcha, Happy Halloween]
Comrade 1:  Shtaad, boded but shtaad.[You scared me, you communist bastard]

Picture of a flashing button with message underneath it(Warning/Una Problema)
Comrade 2:  Oh, shtool.[Oh...Crap]
Comrade 1:  Shtool.[Crap]

[Bus Stop]

The scamps are waiting for the bus.

Mir space station falls on top of Kenny, narrowly missing Stan.
Stan:  Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
Kyle:  You bastards!
Cartman:  What the hell is that thing?
Kyle:  It looks like a UFO.
Cartman:  There's no such thing as UFOs.

[Sirens wailing]

Ambulence pulls up

Two paramedics go over to Kenny's corpse.
Paramedic:  Let's get 'im to the morgue.

They put his corpse in a body bag.

They toss the bag into the ambulence and drive off.
Cartman:  Hey, wait til you see my Halloween costume tomorrow. It kicks ass.
Kyle:  Dude, it can't be cooler than mine.
Stan:  Hey man, we gotta get home and get our costumes ready.

They walk off.

[Outside South Park Morgue]
Some owl:  Whoo.

A crow lands on the Morgue sign.
A Crow:  Caw.

The crow craps on the sign.


[Inside South Park Morgue]

Mortician places a hose into Kenny, blood starts flowing out.
Mortician:  You know, I think death is least funny when it happens to a child.

Marty places a hose into Kenny, green embalming fluid flows in.
Marty:  Oh, yeh, I know what you mean.

Marty pulls out a hot dog and pours Worcestershire sauce on it and takes a bite.
Mortician:  Marty, do you have to put that stuff on everything?
Marty:  I don't know, it ju.. it justs makes everything taste so...English.
Mortician:  Well, let's let him drain.

They walk away.

Worcestershire sauce falls over and pours into embalming fluid.

Kenny's eyes open

He gets up
Mortician:  So then the necrophiliac says, "If this ain't a cadaver then..."

Kenny busts through a door.

He takes a bite out of the mortician's head.
Mortician:  Hey!

He takes a bite out of Marty's shoulder.
Marty:  Ahhh!

Kenny walks away.
Marty:  God damn! That little turd bit me!
Mortician:  Me too!

Outside, Kenny is walking away.
Some owl:  Whoo, whoo.

[Cut to commercial]

[Bus Stop]

Kyle is standing there with a Chewbacca mask on.

Stan walks up.
Kyle:  Ha ha, you look like a pansy.
Stan:  Shut up Kyle!
Kyle:  Whatta, what are you supposed to be?
Stan:  I'm Raggedy Andy.
Kyle:  Hehe, why the hell did you dress up like Raggedy Andy dude?
Stan:  Wendy's going as Raggedy Ann, and she said this way we'd win the costume contest for sure.
Kyle:  No way dude. I'm gonna win the costume contest with this sweet Chewbacca costume.
Stan:  Wendy said that first prize is two tons of candy.
Kyle:  Wow! Cool!

Cartman walks up.
Cartman:  Hey dudes.
Kyle:  Cartman! What kind of costume is that?
Cartman:  It's Adolph Hitler costume. Sieg Heil, sieg heil.
Stan:  Where'd you get that?
Cartman:  My mom made it, isn't it kewl?
Kyle:  No it's not cool!
Cartman:  What are you supposed to be Stan, Howdy Doody?
Stan:  No, I'm Raggedy Andy fatass!
Cartman:  Ohh, heh, wow, you look pretty kewl.

Kyle:  Hehe. Sissy.
Stan:  I'll kick your ass Kyle!
Cartman:  Oh look out, Holly Hobby's all pissed off!

Kenny's corpse approaches.
Stan:  Hey look, Kenny's not dead.
Kyle:  You forgot to wear a costume Kenny.
Stan:  Yeh, what's the matter? Couldn't your family afford a costume for you?
Kyle:  Yeh, why's your family so poor Kenny?
Cartman:  Kenny's family is so poor that, yesterday, they had to put their cardboard box up for a second mortgage.

Kyle and Stan laugh

Cartman:  I said, your family had to put a cardboard box up 'a second mortgage, Kenny!

Cartman:  I'm talking to you Kenny, achtung!

Cartman:  Poor piece of crap.

Bus pulls up.
Ms. Crabtree:  Come on, we're running late!
Stan:  Ahh, we're always running late you ugly skank.
Ms. Crabtree:  What did you say?!?
Stan:  I said, I can't wait to own a fishing tank.
Ms. Crabtree:  Oh, neither can I.

[South Park Clinic]
Doctor:  Very interesting.
Mortician:  What, what is it doc?
Doctor:  Well, your your temperature is only 55 degrees, you have no pulse, no heartbeat, and your, your eyes are all puffy and sticky.
Mortician:  Oh no, you mean...
Doctor:  Yeh, I'm afraid the two of you have - Pink Eye.

Doctor:  I'd give you topical medicine, but I don't want to touch ya.
Marty:  Oh I'm so hungry, and all I can think about eating is, eh, 's brains!
Doctor:  Yeh, well for God sake don't touch your eyes. I'll prescribe some antibiotics.

[South Park Elementary]

All four are walking into Mr. Garrison's classroom
Kyle:  Just wait till everyone sees my sweet Chewbacca costume. They're gonna be so jealous.

The entire class has a Chewbacca mask on.
Stan:  Woah dude!
Kyle:  Everyone came as Chewbacca?!?

Mr. Garrison is in drag, Mr. Hat has a Chewbacca mask on.
Mr. Garrison:  It sure does seem to be a popular costume this year Kyle.
Mr. Hat:  Roar.

Kyle throws off his mask.
Kyle:  Damn it!
Stan:  Wendy?
Wendy:  Hi Stan.
Stan:  You said we were going to be Raggedy Ann and Andy, remember?
Wendy:  Yeahhh?
Stan:  We were going to enter the costume contest as a pair.
Wendy:  I know, but then, I guess I just realized how stupid we would look.
Stan:  You what?!?
Wendy:  I thought you would reach the same conclusion, so, I came as Chewbacca.

Stan bangs his head against a desk
Bully 1:  Hehhehehe.
Bully 2:  Hey Stan, you look almost pretty enough to kiss.
Bully 1:  Yeh, you want to be my girlfriend? Hehehe.

Stan bangs his head again.
Cartman:  There, you see? All of a sudden my costume is pretty bad ass, huh?
Kyle:  Dude, dressing up like Hitler is not bad ass.
Cartman:  You're just jealous. Why don't you go back to Endor you stupid wookie?
Kyle:  Wookies don't live on Endor!
Cartman:  [In a mocking voice]Wookies don't live on Endor.
Kyle:  Well at least my mom's not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!
Cartman:  What?!? What did you say?!?
Mr. Garrison:  Ok now, all you little Chewbaccas take your seats.

The rest of the children go to their seats.
Mr. Garrison:  Children, since today is Halloween, I thought we should learn something about the great horror writer, Jackie Collins. You see, when Jackie Collins first wrote her novel...

Kenny's arm falls off.
Wendy:  Eww.
Mr. Garrison:  Is there a problem Kenny?

Mr. Garrison:  Let's try to keep our hands and arms to ourselves, ok?

Kyle:  I'm never gonna win that two tons of candy looking like everybody else.

[In front of Cartman's House]

Ms. Cartman is decorating the house and yard.
Ms. Cartman:  Oooh, I'm gonna decorate the house for Halloween, with scary ghosts and bats and creepy crawly things...

She places a poster of Tricky Dick on the door.

Two zombies approach
Ms. Cartman:  Hello there!
Zombie:  Uhhhh.
Ms. Cartman:  Happy Halloween!
Zombie Mortician:  Must eat brains.

Zombies attack a passer by, eating his brains and tearing his arms off.
Ms. Cartman:  It's the most -wonderful time - of the year....

[School Cafeteria]
Kyle:  I'm gonna make a new costume during recess. I can still win that candy.
Cartman:  Hey Kenny, are you gonna eat your pudding?
Cartman:  [As Kenny]No Eric, go ahead and take my pudding, if you'd like.
Cartman:  Why thank you Kenny. How nice of you.
Kyle:  Aren't you hungry Kenny?

Stan:  He hasn't moved an inch, or said anything.
Chef:  Hello children.
Kyle, Stan:  Hey Chef.

Chef sees Cartman's Hitler costume.
Chef:  What in the hell are you doing dressed up like that?!?
Cartman:  Eating Kenny's pudding.
Principal Victoria:  Hello there children. Ohh, love the Elvis costume Chef.
Chef:  Elvis? I'm Evel Knieval. Why the hell would I dress up like Elvis?
Principal Victoria:  Oh, why the hell would you dress up like Evel Knieval? Anyway, I hope that you kids are...

Principal Victoria sees Cartman's Hitler costume.
Principal Victoria:  Dahhhh! Eric, God bless it, what do you think you're doing?!?
Cartman:  Hey, he said I could have his pudding! Ask him yourself.
Cartman:  [As Kenny]That's right, Principal Victoria. It's ok with me because Eric is keww.
Principal Victoria:  Where did you get that costume young man?
Cartman:  My mom made it. Sieg Heil, Sieg Heil!
Principal Victoria:  Shh, oh, God bless America.

She grabs Cartman's shoulder, he starts screaming
Principal Victoria:  You get into my office before anyone else sees you. I have to show you an educational video.
Cartman:  Eeehh, I don't want to see a educational videooo.

Principal Victoria drags Cartman from the table.

Clyde approaches.

Kenny takes a bite out of Clyde's arm.
Clyde:  Owww, you bit my arm!
Kyle:  Oh good, Kenny's back to normal.

[Principal Victoria's Office]
Principal Victoria:  Watch the video Eric.

Principal Victoria starts up a video.
Narrator:  Adolph Hitler was a very, very naughty man.
Hitler:  Schnell ach. Lovental bros lieben. And I menschen vergen broder. Doktor Schtella, alarm, menschen...

Cartman has a vision of being Hitler.
Cartman:  Lieben est verboten, a es scriben uts, ka liederhosen, lieben est verboten God damnit!
Puffy the Bear:  So remember kids, dressing up like Hitler in school, isn't cool.
Principal Victoria:  Now, do you have any questions?
Cartman:  Could I see that again, that was kewl.
Principal Victoria:  You must remove that costume, immediately!
Cartman:  I can't, I have to win those two tons of candy.
Principal Victoria:  Well, how about we make you a new costume.

Principal Victoria spys a sheet behind Cartman.
Principal Victoria:  Let's see now, a-ha, thought of something. How about we make you a nice scary ghost costume?
Cartman:  [Whining]I don't want to be a stupid scary ghost.
Principal Victoria:  Annnd, let me just make a few quickie alterations, and there ya go young man.

Cartman looks suspiciously like a KKK member.

[South Park Street]

Pack of zombies walks down the street.

A pair of joggers are jogging
Jogger:  Ho, looks like they got a touch of that pink eye that's going around.

The zombies attack the joggers


[Costume Contest]
Cartman:  Boo! I'm a ghost.
Stan:  Oh man, I feel like a total choad.
Cartman:  Aw, come on Stan, maybe that's just because you look like a total choad.
Chef:  Hello children.
Cartman:  Hey Chef.
Chef:  Ahhhh.

Chef runs away.
Cartman:  Whoa, Chef's really scared of ghosts, huh?
Stan:  Hey, where's Kyle?
Kyle:  Check this out!
Stan:  Whoa dude!
Cartman:  What is that?
Kyle:  I'm the whole solar system. The planets even all revolve the right way. That tub of candy is as good as mine.

Mr. Garrison:  Ok children, let's get you lined up so the judge can get a good look at your stupid little costumes.

The children line up on the stage.
Mr. Garrison:  Children, this year we have a celebrity judge, the star of 'Family Ties', Miss Tina Yothers.
Cartman:  Who?
Kyle:  Dude, I thought she was dead.
Stan:  Yeh, me too.
Mr. Garrison:  Thank you Miss Yothers.

Tina hands Mr. Garrison the results.
Mr. Garrison:  Ok, the second place award for best costume goes to...Kenny, for his Edward James Olmos costume.

Tina places a second place ribbon on Kenny.
Mr. Garrison:  And the award for the very best costume goes to...Wendy, for her Chewbacca costume!

Tina places a first place ribbon on Wendy.
Kyle:  What?!? But she looks just like everybody else. Up yours Tina Yothers!

Tina looks on shocked.
Mr. Garrison:  And the award for worst costume this year goes to...Stan for his stupid little clown thing costume. Let's all point at Stan and laugh children.

Stan:  Thanks a lot Wendy, you ruined my Halloween.
Wendy:  Relax Stan, you'll feel better once we're out trick-or-treating.
Stan:  I don't want to trick-or-treat with you. You lied to me.
Mr. Garrison:  Ok children, let's all gather around and bob for stupid apples now. You go first Bebe.

Bebe begins bobbing for apples.
Mr. Garrison:  That's good, just use those mouth muscles like the girls in Beijing.
Clyde:  Brainnns. Ahh.

Clyde attacks Bebe, attempting to eat her brains.
Mr. Garrison:  Wait your turn Clyde.

[Outside Chef's House]

Somebody jumps out from behind a bush.
Johnson:  Uhhhh!
Chef:  Ah! Damn Johnson, what the hell's gotten into you?
Johnson:  Pink eye.
Chef:  Get the hell out of here Johnson! I don't want no god damn pink eye!

[Inside Chef's House]

On the TV, Tom the newscaster gives an update on Mir.
Tom:  And the President responded to the incident by saying, quote, "Screw those Commie bastards, and screw their little wussie space station."

The backdrop shifts to a pair of pink eyes.
Tom:  In other news, a pink eye epidemic is now sweeping the town of South Park. Here with a live report is a midget wearing a bikini.

Cut to the midget, where zombies are shown ransacking the town.
Midget:  Thanks Tom, already more than half the townspeople here in South Park have been infected with the pink eye virus.

Zombies are shown attacking another townsperson, and generally ransacking South Park.
Midget:  Symptoms include a complete loss of heart functions, blood pressure, lung activity, and of course, sticky puffy eyes.
Chef:  Pink eye my ass. I've seen this kind of thing before.

[Outside South Park]
Cartman:  Where the hell is Kyle, we don't have all night to wait for him.
Stan:  I bet I get more candy than you dude.
Cartman:  Are you crazy?!? I'm the candy master.
Stan:  No, no, you're the ass master, there's a difference.
Cartman:  Hey, I'm not the one who walks around all day looking like Pippy Longstockings.
Stan:  Oh yeh, well, at least my mom's not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!
Cartman:  God damn it, my mom is not on the cover of Crack Whore magazine!

Kyle walks up, now a vampire.
Kyle:  Hey dudes.
Stan:  Oh, good, you're here. Now let's make sure we got everything. Flashlight....
Cartman:  Check.
Stan:  Plastic pumpkin pails....
Kyle:  Check.
Stan:  Taser....
Kyle:  What's that?
Stan:  For shocking people who try to give us granola treats, or something.
Cartman:  Yeh, granola pisses me off.
Kyle, Stan:  Hey Kenny.
Cartman:  Whew! Eh, you stink Kenny.
Kyle:  You still didn't get a costume Kenny?

Cartman:  Eh, too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job, or else Kenny's dad would be a millionaire.

Cartman:  I said your dad would be a millionaire, get it?!? Kenny?!? Your family is poor Kenny!! Your family's poor!!!

Cartman:  I don't like Kenny anymore, he, he just doesn't communicate.
Wendy:  Hi guys.
Cartman:  Hi Wendy.
Stan:  How's your barrel full of candy Wendy?!?
Wendy:  Oh, I didn't want all that sweet stuff. I gave it away to hungry children in Nairobi.
Cartman:  You what?!? Are you insane?!?
Wendy:  Let's go trick-or-treats.
Stan:  I don't think so Wendy, I think you've had enough candy for one day.
Wendy:  Stan, I'm awful sorry you got dressed up like Raggedy Andy. Please don't be mad.
Cartman:  How can he be mad with such pretty hair and rosy cheeks?
Stan:  Trick-or-treat with yourself, Wendy.
Wendy:  But Stan?
Stan:  No buts Wendy, I wish you were dead.

They walk away.

Wendy looks dejected.
Zombie:  Uhhhh!

Wendy screams as a shadow envelops her.

[South Park Clinic]
Chef:  Doctor?
Doctor:  Why, hello Chef. Let me guess, pink eye, right?
Chef:  No, no doctor, I've seen this type of thing before. This ain't no pink eye, it's the living dead.
Doctor:  What the hell are you talking about?
Doctor:  Chef, I, I think maybe the pink eye has made you a little delirious. Let, let me give you some, some topical cream.
Chef:  Damn it, don't you see? These people have been venofied. They got no heartbeat, no feeling. I'll show you. Errr!

Chef tears off Mr. Torres' arm.

Mr. Torres is gushing blood.
Mr. Torres:  Ahhh!
Doctor:  Uhh, Mr. Torres was here for a routine check-up Chef.
Chef:  Oh, sorry.

Chef tries to replace Mr. Torres' arm.
Chef:  But my point is, that topical cream ain't gonna fix what's wrong here.

Mr. Torres falls over, most likely dead from blood loss.
Doctor:  Hey hey, now, now, there, there have been a lot of incredible advances in topical creams over the last few years.
Chef:  Doctor, who is the first person to come in here with the sickness?
Doctor:  Well, uh, it it was the mortician and his assistant at the morgue, yeh.

Zombies burst through the doctor's door.
Chef:  Ahhhh!

Chef leaps out the doctor's window.
Doctor:  Now, now, now let's, let's form a line, I've got enough topical cream for everybody.

The zombies attack the doctor.
Doctor:  Ahh!

[In front of a House]

[Ding dong]
Scamps:  Trick-or-treat!

Kenny's other arm falls off.
Elderly Woman:  Ohh, how cute.

She reaches to place candy in Cartman's pail.

Kenny attacks her arm with a vengeance.
Elderly Woman:  Ahhh!
Stan:  Dude, Kenny!
Elderly Woman:  Oh, My God! Call 911, call 911!
Cartman:  Nice going Kenny, she was about to give us candy.
Stan:  Yeh, she had Sweetie Pops.
Cartman:  You owe me a Sweetie Pop, asshole!

[City Hall]

Chef bursts into the Mayor's office.
Chef:  Mayor, we've got a big problem.

There is a pile of money on the Mayor's desk.

Barbrady is presently wearing a garter and fishnet stockings.

Mayor McDaniels stands up, her blouse in disarray.
Mayor:  Uh, why, why Chef. What a surprise.
Officer Barbrady:  You're probably wondering why we're standing here with a pile of money and no pants on.
Chef:  Actually, uh....
Mayor:  Well, I can assure you that it has absolutely nothing to do with the Japanese Mafia.
Officer Barbrady:  Not a thingy-dingy.
Chef:  I don't really give a crap. We've got to do something about the living dead!
Mayor:  You mean, Tina Yothers?

Barbrady and McDaniels laugh.
Chef:  No, damn it. I'm talking about the zombies that have taken over South Park.
Officer Barbrady:  Well, Evel Knievel, why don't you jump over them with your rocket cycle?

Barbrady and McDaniels laugh.
Chef:  Ahh, the hell with you both.

Chef leaves the office.
Mayor:  Well, let's get back to it.
Officer Barbrady:  Righty-o.

Mayor McDaniels lies down behind the desk.

[Another House]

[Ding dong]

A large indivdual wearing a shirt that says "Let's get physical" opens the door.
Scamps:  Trick-or-treat.
Dude:  Hope you kids like chocolate-peanut butter-cream puffies.

Kenny attacks his shoulder.
Dude:  Ahhh!

Kenny is literally feasting on this guy.
Dude:  Get it off! Get it off me!! Gahhh!

The dude falls down, Kenny takes chunks out of his skull and eats them.
Cartman:  Damn it! We'll never get any candy if Kenny keeps eating people!
Stan:  Yeh! That's it Kenny, you can't trick-or-treat with us anymore!

[In front of a house not unlike Cartman's]

Zombies are overturning the house
Somebody:  Oh god!

[Yet another house]

[Ding dong]

Three KKK guys open the door.
Scamps:  Trick-or-treat.
Cartman:  Heyy. They're all dressed up like ghosts too.

One of the guys places a single candy in Cartman's pail.
Cartman:  One Tootie Bar, you cheap bastards.

[Downtown South Park]

Zombies are tearing up the town.

Ned and Jimbo can be seen on a rooftop firing at the zombies.

Two zombies are playing hot potatoe with a head.

Female:  Oh my God! Nooo!

[Chef's House]

[Ding dong]
Scamps:  Trick-or-t

Chef opens the door with two chainsaws in hand.
Scamps:  Ahhh!
Chef:  Get off my property you brain eatin' zombie bastards!
Scamps:  Hey, Chef, ahh, no!
Chef:  Oh, sorry children. I thought you were one of them.
Cartman:  Can we have some candy now please?!?
Chef:  Damn it boy, what in the hell are you doin' dressed up like that?!?
Cartman:  I'm trying to trick-or-treat God damn-it!
Chef:  Remind me to whoop your ass good next time I see ya. Now, get in here before those zombies getcha!

[Inside Chef's House]
Stan:  What are you talking about Chef?
Chef:  Zombies children. South Park is overrun with the living dead. Haven't you noticed anything strange lately?
Kyle:  Well, not really, except that Kenny keeps eating people's brains.
Chef:  Don't you children see, Kenny's turned into a zombie. Along with everyone else in town.
Stan:  Oh my God, that means....
Kyle:  If everyone is turned into zombies....
Cartman:  Then, there won't be anyone to give us candy!

Cartman:  Ahhh!
Kyle:  Chef, you've gotta help us!
Chef:  I'm working on it children.
Stan:  Wait, where are we going?
Chef:  The doctor said the first people he treated were the mortician and his assisstant. Now, I've gotta hunch we'll get to the bottom of this at...the morgue.

Dramatic Music Plays


Cartman:  It was Kyle.

[Cut to commercial]

[South Park Morgue]
Stan:  I don't know about this Chef.
Kyle:  Yeh, I'm scared.
Cartman:  Remember candy, focus on the candy.

[Inside the Morgue]
Stan:  What are we doing here Chef?
Chef:  Just look for anything suspicious.
Kyle:  I found it! I found it!
Stan:  What?
Kyle:  See Cartman, your mom is on the cover.
Cartman:  Eh, you....
Stan:  We told you dude.
Cartman:  You guys, ehh....
Chef:  You better let me take that Kyle.
Stan:  Hey Chef, look.

Stan and Chef see the embalming fluid, and the knocked over Worcestershire sauce bottle.
The bottle says:







Chef:  I gotta call this hotline number children.

Pip bursts through a window.
Pip:  Piiink eye!
Cartman:  It's the British kid! He's a little limey zombie now!
Pip:  Ahhh!

More zombies are bursting into the Morgue.
Chef:  Look out children!

Stan pummels one zombie with a baseball bat.
Zombie:  Ow, ooh, god.
Stan:  Ok Chef, dial the hotline number. Chef?
Kyle:  Chef!!!

Chef is now a zombie, and is dressed like Michael Jackson in the Thriller video.

During the song, the zombies are dancing, as though elaborately choreographed.
Chef:  [Singing]I'm gonna make love, even when I'm dead, my body might get cold, but it's always hot in my bed. Make looove, don't you be afraid, just because my heart ain't beatin' don't mean you won't get laid.

Wolf howl

Chef Let's loose a howl.
Stan:  Let's get out of here!

Chef howls again.

[In the cemetary by the Morgue]
Stan:  We gotta call that worceshishir hotline.
Cartman:  Hey, there's a pay phone!
Stan:  You call the number Kyle.
Kyle:  But the zombies are coming!
Stan:  We'll hold 'em off.
Hotline Voice:  Welcome to the worcestershire hotline. For worcestershire sauce recipes please press one followed by the pound sign. For worcestershire sauce product placement, please press two. If worcestershire sauce has been used as embalming, please pr....


Stan and Cartman are both wielding chainsaws and being surrounded by zombies.
Cartman:  Nobody screws up my trick-or-treats and gets away with it!

Cartman removes the head and arm from one zombie.
Cartman:  Ahhh, kew!

Stan removes the heads from two zombies at once.
Stan:  Sweet!

More zombies are surrounding Stan and Cartman.

Shot of Zombie Chef checking out the issue of Crack Whore Magazine.
Hotline Voice:  Worcester sauce emergency hotline, this call might be monitored to ensure you the highest quality service, how may I help you.
Kyle:  There's a bunch of zombies here!
Hotline Voice:  Please hold.

Stan and Cartman are laying into zombies, heads are flying everywhere.

Cartman takes one zombie in the groin while Stan is showing removing the head from another.
Stan:  Wendy?
Wendy:  Ahhhahah!
Cartman:  Finish her dude, she's a zombie now!
Stan:  I know, but I, but....
Cartman:  Come on Stan, remember how she dissed you at the costume contest?
Stan:  Hey, yeh!

Stan starts reving the chainsaw.
Hotline Voice:  The regular sauce, the first thing you need to do is make sure that you do not just go out and start decapitating zombies left and right. Do you understand? Do not start decapitating zombies left and right!
Kyle:  Uh, ok. Then what?
Wendy:  Ahhhh.
Stan:  Wendy, I know we had a fight, and I did wish you were dead, but, I didn't mean it.
Cartman:  Kill her Stan!
Hotline Voice:  All you have to do is kill the original zombie. The one that started the whole mess. Once you kill the original zombie, all the others zombies will turn back to normal.
Kyle:  Original zombie? Well, how the hell do we know who the original zombie is?!?
Hotline Voice:  We realize you have a choice in worcestershire sauces, we are delighted that....

Kyle hangs up.
Kyle:  Wait a minute, that thing landed on Kenny, and they took him to the mortuary.
Wendy:  Ahhh!
Stan:  I, I can't.
Wendy:  Ahhh!

Kyle runs in with a third chain saw and immediately starts cutting Kenny in half.
Kyle:  Oh my God! I killed Kenny! You bastard!
Wendy:  Oh, what happened? Stan?
Stan:  Don't worry babe. Everything's going to be ok.
Kyle:  It's working! They're turning back to normal.
Chef:  You did it children!
Cartman:  Ok, let's go trick-or-treatin' now, come on!
Wendy:  I'm sorry I dissed you at school like that Stan. I guess I just wasn't very considerate of your feelings.
Stan:  That's ok Wendy, I'm sorry I wished you were dead.
Wendy:  Maybe we could actually kiss tonight Stan.

Wendy puckers up.

Stan looks ill.

Stan pukes on Wendy.
Wendy:  Eww, gross Stan, sick! Barf is gross!

[Cut to commercial]


Somber music is playing

Kenny's Gravemarker



Sleep well, little child,

the Lord holds thee now'
Stan:  Oh man, I can't believe he's gone.
Kyle:  Yeh, he was too young to be taken from us.
Stan:  Dude, you're the one who cut him in half with a chain saw.
Cartman:  Let, let us remember the good times, Kenny would have wanted it that wayyyy!

Cartman loses it.
Stan:  You know, I've really learned something today. Halloween isn't about costumes, or candy. It's about being good to one another, and giving and loving.
Kyle:  No, dude, that's Christmas.
Stan:  Oh, then, what's Halloween about?
Kyle:  Costumes and candy.
Stan:  Oh.

Cartman continues to wail.

Cartman snaps out of it.
Cartman:  Well, let's go home, start eating that candy.
Kyle:  We can eat it at Cartman's house, and see more naughty pictures of his mom.
Stan:  Yeh.
Cartman:  Knock it off you guys, she said she was young, and needed the money.
Stan:  Cartman, those pictures were taken like, last month.
Cartman:  Lehh, eh, screw you guys!

Somber music plays again

Zoom in on Kenny's grave.

Weird music plays as Kenny bursts from the grave.
Kenny:  Ahhhh!

A statue of an angel falls on Kenny.
Kenny:  Ohh!


An airplance flies into Kenny and the statue.